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post #63: This weird feeling.


Dah setahun aku single. More or less.

Takdelah exactly setahun. I mean, aku bukan jenis yang touchy bitchy guys yang nak kira from the exact date putus sampai today. 

But I remember it was somewhere in November 2010. I don't even remember the date. See what a douchebag I can be? 

So obviously dah setahun la kan? 

Aku rasa ini paling lama kot aku stay single. 

Eh jap! No no.

The period after SPM and the whole year through matriculation, I was single. Haha. Imagine that. Of all the hot Pantai Barat-ens & Timur-ens at my college, I couldn't summon that manly spirit in me for that cute Kelantan-born-Jack Purcell-wearing-about-my-height girl phone number. Imagine knowing a girl that wears Jack-Purcell to class! And its not even in KL! Its in Pa-fucking-hang! How often can you find the perfect Perempuan Melayu Terakhir, Baju Kurung wearing somemore, and from Kelantan no less?? 

But naaaahhh. Didn't get her number. So thats how I stay single throughout my college years. True story.

Being single is not a bad thing. 

I mean for one, u'll wont be having a syaitonnnirahjim as your butler when you're out with your gal, being all lovey dovey and stuff(s). 

And you save a lot of money. A whole freaking lot! Makes a world of difference if you're in my shoes. I wear Converse All Star btw. cool eh?

And most of all, you'll have more time for yourself. And I really cherish my time. And currently I have a lot of work to be done. So being single is an asset for me.

But lately I've been having this weird feeling inside me. Peering whenever it wants, leaving me unprepared almost all the time. 

This feeling gets me when I'm alone,when my friends are all busy with their things, or when I call my mom and she doesn't pick up the phone. I hate it when this feeling gets me. 

Its like urging me to go find someone. Someone to care. Somebody to love. *Oh Shit! Justin Bieber reference!* 

"But I don't need one right now!", my brain tells me. My brain is awesome, btw.

"Yeah right, you don't NEEEEED one. Then why the hell do you smile like an ugly monkey whenever you see cute couples holding hands and being all lovey dovey and shit huh?", my heart, always the provoker. 

"", my brain isn't so good arguing about stuff like this.

I hate this weird feeling. Why can't I control who I want to fall in love with? Why can't I be awesome being single without my heart stupidly pumping oxytocin to my brain whenever I'm alone? Shit.

I'm planning to stay single at least till I'm 33. yeah 33. Ten years from now.

I have things to do, stuff to complete, accomplishments to achieve. 

I want to be able to converse in Mandarin & French, fluently, five years from now.

I want to own a Masters in Business & Administration, seven years from now.

I want to invest in an apartment, preferably in an urban area, but without the hassles of traffic during peak hours, ten years from now.

I want to own a Mini Cooper S 1.6, preferably in a stylish red, with a white line finishing on the bonnet and shining wheels, ten years from now.

I want to have a management post in my work, commanding the utmost respect from colleagues, ten years from now.

I want to have a six pack, the one that is visible even from the moon, ten years from now.

I DON'T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE! That was never in the 10 year plan!

So could this stupid-weird felling GO AWAY! Leave me in peace for at least another ten years in my life. 

Let me achieve my goals first. Let me right the wrongs I did in my life first. Let me make my dad proud for the first time in his life first, PLEASE???!!!!






After all that,..... 

After giving me time to do all this,....... 

Can you please come back and make me fall in love with the right girl? 



Because even if I achieve all this, it wouldn't be complete if I don't have anyone to call in the middle of the night to share it with.



Anonymous said...

hahaha lawak la ko nih. it's ok if target nak sukses smpai jejak bulan sekalipon. please, love is fitrah. tp pandai2 bawa diri. peace!

Fluttershy said...

though i only know u for like..2years.. i know dat u're d kind of person who's confused in balancing both ambitions/goals/etc and relationships. neways, may u'll find the one u're looking for as well as achieving what u've wished for. insya Allah. aminn~ :)

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