Suddenly my brain has been activating like clock work and resting is just a mere illusion. I dont know why but I'm having a severe case of insomnia.

Insomnia, a case where you would not feel like sleeping during the hours that you should sleep rather you will feel sleepy at times you shouldn't. Probably my brain has program itself to be fully awake 24/7 to make me maximize all the neurons in my brain to good use. Yeah, like thats gonna work.

I still remember in school of how motivated I am to beat everyone in class. Of course, at that time I wasn't the very bright. Imagine, I was ranked third from all of the students in my batch during my first examination there. Embarassing! Luckily I managed to bounce back afterwards. (or did I? hurm..). Back then, staying up late was part of my routine in life, studying of course. The ranking system used back then in Science Iskandar was tormenting. Because it was published to everyone after each examinations. And getting low ranks or sad CGPA's should be highly unlikely unless you want people to think that your the dumbest kid in school. Gosh what a year!

But all for the better of the individuals. And looking back, it does work its magic with me. Thank you Science Iskandar~

I miss my highschool years. I miss Science Iskandar. I miss debating for Science Iskandar. I miss Miss Norasiah, oooopppS, Mrs. Norasiah. I miss playing basketball everyday after class. I miss waking up early in the morning with the sounds of ust.joha's voice. I miss my classmates, u guys rock! friends forever u guys! Most of all, I miss what I had there. The moment, the laughs, the cries, the silly fights, the cinta monyet (or monyetss?hehe)..

Hye! Tiba-tiba going down memory lane nih apehal ayed? angau? Hehe.Gosh, I cant help myself.

p/s : vaio warna merah lawa tak? herm..

Yesterday, ayah and angah came by for a visit. Well, they didn't exactly went to Uni.Malaya to fetch me or anything. Instead, my cousin with his new Orange Toyota Vios (can u believe it. Orange! Out of all the available, more deserving colours?) came all the way from shah alam to fetch me to his house.

There, I did nothing much but ate and talk with my brother. Ask about mama and adik at home. Gosh i miss them~ Mama's gonna be really happy that ayah is planning to buy a myvi for her. (and i get the kelisa? thanx ayah!) Ayah plan things a lot. He really doesn't like things that are not organized. Thank god he never been in my room here in Uni.Malaya. Hahaha. He plan's everything. And I mean everything. When to go out golfing, when to dine out with the family, when to visit me at Uni.Malaya, when to give angah a smack in the head, when to give me pocket money... and even at times, when us, his offsprings, should get married. woah. scary~ Well, it's not the idea of marriage that scares me, but knowing that our future are always uncertain, that is what scares me the most.

My age (I'm turning 21 this coming september), is the age where people start to worry of what I will become in the future. As for them, this is the turning point of a normal human being. Whether his or her future is bright or bleak is determined when he or she reaches 21 years old, the deciding age. True. This is where we are 'rippled'.

I like being in charge of my future. To have the power to control my needs, my wants, of what I want to become. And ayah never fails to restrict my ability to control my own future. Intervenes and conflicts of interest for my future is always a scuffle topic between us. Me being an engineer is always his idea in the first place.

Ayah always has the idea that I do not like my own race. That I'm discriminating my own blood. But he never says it seriously though. He said the reason I went to Uni.Malaya was because I was too proud to even sit in a class with my own race. He even said that if I can marry an Amoi, I would without having second thoughts. Haha. Takkanlah~

Yes I am afraid. Afraid of what the future may hold for me. Afraid of what life is preparing for me. Afraid of whether my family can accept the path that I chose. Afraid whether was this the one path I should go? Afraid that in the middle of the road I realized that this is not the future I wanted. Afraid that things might not be smooth. Ahh..life can be very unfair at times. The uncertainties. The what ifs. The why nots. The If onlys. But thats the beauty of it. We shape our own future. Lets just hope the sculpture that we are shaping is a beautiful art that is worth millions in the gallery auction..

Till then, keep sculpting!

ps : nak pi sunway lagoon today! Hahaha. Happy2.
pss : next week she's coming here. Cant wait~