A frightening concept called our Future~

Yesterday, ayah and angah came by for a visit. Well, they didn't exactly went to Uni.Malaya to fetch me or anything. Instead, my cousin with his new Orange Toyota Vios (can u believe it. Orange! Out of all the available, more deserving colours?) came all the way from shah alam to fetch me to his house.

There, I did nothing much but ate and talk with my brother. Ask about mama and adik at home. Gosh i miss them~ Mama's gonna be really happy that ayah is planning to buy a myvi for her. (and i get the kelisa? thanx ayah!) Ayah plan things a lot. He really doesn't like things that are not organized. Thank god he never been in my room here in Uni.Malaya. Hahaha. He plan's everything. And I mean everything. When to go out golfing, when to dine out with the family, when to visit me at Uni.Malaya, when to give angah a smack in the head, when to give me pocket money... and even at times, when us, his offsprings, should get married. woah. scary~ Well, it's not the idea of marriage that scares me, but knowing that our future are always uncertain, that is what scares me the most.

My age (I'm turning 21 this coming september), is the age where people start to worry of what I will become in the future. As for them, this is the turning point of a normal human being. Whether his or her future is bright or bleak is determined when he or she reaches 21 years old, the deciding age. True. This is where we are 'rippled'.

I like being in charge of my future. To have the power to control my needs, my wants, of what I want to become. And ayah never fails to restrict my ability to control my own future. Intervenes and conflicts of interest for my future is always a scuffle topic between us. Me being an engineer is always his idea in the first place.

Ayah always has the idea that I do not like my own race. That I'm discriminating my own blood. But he never says it seriously though. He said the reason I went to Uni.Malaya was because I was too proud to even sit in a class with my own race. He even said that if I can marry an Amoi, I would without having second thoughts. Haha. Takkanlah~

Yes I am afraid. Afraid of what the future may hold for me. Afraid of what life is preparing for me. Afraid of whether my family can accept the path that I chose. Afraid whether was this the one path I should go? Afraid that in the middle of the road I realized that this is not the future I wanted. Afraid that things might not be smooth. Ahh..life can be very unfair at times. The uncertainties. The what ifs. The why nots. The If onlys. But thats the beauty of it. We shape our own future. Lets just hope the sculpture that we are shaping is a beautiful art that is worth millions in the gallery auction..

Till then, keep sculpting!

ps : nak pi sunway lagoon today! Hahaha. Happy2.
pss : next week she's coming here. Cant wait~